Being judged is... quite okay?

People judge you based on what you choose to share, not what you really are.

I judge. You judge. I don’t think that we can deny, even if it’s a little, that we actually judge people, whether we realize in or not.

Some people might have been getting bad impressions by others. But in my case, I think I’ve been judged better than what I am. Well I hope it makes sense for you somehow. You know, when you kind of excel in something and you just get this impression that you are outstanding?

Well, of course I don’t hear that compliments directly because people don’t really say that to me. In this world, we have a chain of people talking about other people that talk about you. That’s where I usually obtain my sources.

Every time I heard about it, I just don’t know how I should feel about it. Is being judged okay?

Now let me tell you a little story here.

This happened months ago. I was trying to apply for the students exchange program in my university. Of course, applications need a lot of forms and stuffs that you need to do. I was quite busy with my committee work and somehow delayed on submitting the certificates to the International Mobility & Collaboration Centre (IMCC) staff.

Eventually time passed and the finals were just around the corner. I knew I should just send the papers but I don’t know if they are still accepting them. I didn’t go to IMCC for quite a long time already.

I somehow managed to drag my roommate to go to IMCC, so we went there together. Normally there would be a young lady waiting at the counter, but at that time, there was no one there. I looked around and I saw a young man sitting at the couch nearby.

I wasn’t sure who he was, but he looked at me and slowly approached us. Then I thought he might be one of the students that works at IMCC (I still don’t know his position until today).  He has a dark skin, wrinkled hair and a serious face. I guess he might be an African or something. Yeah, I’m judging him here.

“Yes, what can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Kak Nurul. Is she here?” I just mentioned ‘Kak’ out of habit.

“Oh, she’s busy at the moment. But what can I help you?”

“I want to hand in these certificates for the exchange program. But I’m not sure whether it still can be accepted or not. If not, I can just try for the next semester.”

Yeah, I made it sound like it’s not really important there.  To be honest I don’t really mind trying next time because I still have many semesters left. The man said he’ll speak with Kak Nurul. He took my papers and went inside the office. So my roommate and I waited at the couch for a few minutes until he returned.

I stood up facing him, waiting for my answers. He looked at me with a straight face.

“I’m sorry but these papers cannot be accepted anymore,” he said. I was a little bit frustrated there but I somehow expected this.

“Oh. Then, can I still use the same papers and try to apply the next semester?” I also replied with my straight face.

Suddenly the man in front of me smirked, looking cute there. I mean he was expressing his serious face all the time and suddenly he smiled out of nowhere. “You are so innocent,” he said.

Innocent? Wait, what? Hold on. I cannot brain this.

“She said it’s quite late, but she’ll try her best to help you. Come again during the consultation hours on Thursday,” he said. Are you serious? He blurted out a joke just now with a straight face. I couldn’t believe I let my guard down.

After finishing what needs to be done, my roommate and I left the building. But what he said is still lingering in my mind. It is quite shocking since I’ve never get that kind of impression before. It feels strange getting called innocent by someone. I don’t think I’m an innocent person because I usually can read moods very well. Is that how people actually saw me? Nah, I think he’s the only one.

Well in this situation I guess I can say that he judged me based on what I showed at that moment. The guy that I just met got an impression that I’m innocent, which I think I’m not.

After that time, I think that being judged as a character of not your own is… quite okay?

People judge you based on what you choose to share, not what you really are. It’s the same concept of sharing your lives in the social media. Maybe you’re the type of person who shares so many status updates on Instagram, but what you share is just probably 5% of your day?

It means that you share what you choose to show people at that moment, not your entire day, or entire life. People can say what they want because of what you show, they are free to judge.

But they just don’t know who you really are inside. Even your best friends or family do not know you 100%.

My point is, it’s okay of being judged. Sometimes, you can take the judgements as a challenge to make yourself better.  What really matter is, you are the only one who knows who you are.

And that is what makes you, you.

***

Two days later, I went back to IMCC and that guy has completely forgotten me.